Today feels like a day granted by a wish. I feel normal, like I used to, back before ED ruled my life. Today I ate what I wanted without feeling guilty about it. I ate until I felt satiated, not overfull. For the first time in over a year I allowed myself to eat beef. It caused me a little bit of anxiety but I got through it. For once I could actually eat with my family, having the same thing they were having, and enjoy it. Tonight I can actually look in the mirror and see a small girl, who isn't overweight. I feel like myself again.
I want to bottle this moment and keep it with me. Does this mean I'm recovering? Or does it mean I'm just having a lucky day? I don't know. It hasn't even been a particularly good day. My morning was highly stressful and I've been studying all day, which is usually a trigger for a binge. I don't know what's different about today, but I wish things were like this all the time. I am going to try and make it like this.
Thank you X for your sweet comments. What you said about looking at the picture of yourself as a little girl really hit home for me. I want to try and re-connect with that girl. I also need to work on what you said about mindful eating. This is something my therapist wants to try with me and I agree that it's a great idea.
I'm having a strong day. It's been a long time since I've felt like this.
Here's to hoping there's more to come.