March 17, 2012


Another fuck up. But I am trying not to let it get to me. I CAN get better. I have to keep believing that. Today my mistake was baking. Baking is ALWAYS disastrous for me. But I love it. So I thought I'd give it a try today, and be very very careful to watch my eating. It didn't work. Once I tasted the icing I was making for the carrot cake I just kept going. Before I knew it a third of the cake was gone.

I am a disgusting creature. Has anyone else ever done this? Or is it just me?

Then I had a panic attack about what my mom would say when she saw so much of the cake already gone. I tried purging but I could only get up  a little of what I had eaten up. For some reason, I  have a really hard time making myself throw up. I WISH that I could. If I could get all that crap out of my system, I wouldn't have to feel so disgusted with myself. Does anyone have any tips/advice?

1 comment:

  1. Don't worry dear, you're not the only one who does this.
    I do it to far worse extremes I feel like. I start with a meal, a small piece of chocolate..then it ends up being half a bag of doritos, ice cream, pizza, more chocolate..until I feel like I will literally get sick.

    I don't really have any tips for making yourself purge, if that's what you're asking. I used to be a pro at it, but its a disgusting habit & it doesn't help you lose weight, your body absorbs most of the calories before you can get it all back up you're just destorying your teeth and esophogus+metabolism for nothing.