Another fuck up. But I am trying not to let it get to me. I CAN get better. I have to keep believing that. Today my mistake was baking. Baking is ALWAYS disastrous for me. But I love it. So I thought I'd give it a try today, and be very very careful to watch my eating. It didn't work. Once I tasted the icing I was making for the carrot cake I just kept going. Before I knew it a third of the cake was gone.
I am a disgusting creature. Has anyone else ever done this? Or is it just me?
Then I had a panic attack about what my mom would say when she saw so much of the cake already gone. I tried purging but I could only get up a little of what I had eaten up. For some reason, I have a really hard time making myself throw up. I WISH that I could. If I could get all that crap out of my system, I wouldn't have to feel so disgusted with myself. Does anyone have any tips/advice?