February 26, 2012

Letter to Myself

Dear Me,

I hope that when you read this, you are doing better than I am now. I have just spent the day binging. It’s not a good feeling. Physically, I feel ill. My stomach feels stretched and uncomfortably full. It’s hard to breathe. I feel bloated and fat. When I look in the mirror, I see a fat girl getting fatter. I don’t want to be this way. It’s not worth it for thirty seconds of pleasure. I don’t even remember how that food tasted anymore, but I will feel like this for hours. It’s just so easy to get off track. Sometimes it doesn’t even take a trigger. Sometimes it just happens. I don’t know what happens in those moments of weakness, but I hope that when you read this, you will remember to be strong. Remember how it feels like after the binge. All this shame and disgust and anxiety. Think of how it will feel to say no. To resist the urge to eat senselessly. Each day is NOT your last opportunity to treat yourself. There will be many, many more chances in the future. So hold on now so that you can really savour those moments. Hold on so that when those moments come, you don’t have to have this battle. Hold on and stay strong.

Remember what this feels like. Think of what you can be.


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