Well, I am back on track. Sort of. It hasn't been a perfect couple of days. (Again, that word perfect. It's such a struggle for me to remember that perfection is NOT my goal). I am doing okay though. No binges, knock on wood. I did have more dessert than I intended last night, but I managed to cut myself off before I went crazy. And today, I did have that extra slice of banana bread I said I wouldn't eat...but one slice is better than the loaf right? I am hoping that each day I can get a little better in saying no to that extra indulgence. I don't want to cut myself off from treats entirely. It's the extras I'm worried about--that extra snack when I'm not really hungry, that second serving of dinner simply because I don't want to stop eating.
I also have small triumph to report. Today I battled hunger and won. Being hungry is always such a stressful experience for me. Because of my IBS, I used to get severe cramps if I let myself get too hungry. I've learned to be afraid of hunger. It's been difficult for me to relearn how to tolerate this sensation. But today I was out at the mall with my mom and didn't have the opportunity to eat (at least, not any of my safe foods, but that's another issue for another time). I nearly had a panic attack when I started to feel hunger pangs and couldn't eat. But I toughed it out. I kept telling myself that nothing bad was going to happen if I waited an hour. Eventually, the hunger pangs faded and so did my anxiety. We went home, I made lunch (and didn't even overeat, another small triumph) and everything was fine.
Small victory, but still it's nice to report a victory and not a failure.